Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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