You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Just took my morning after pill in the library
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
