its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
