You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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