question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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