I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Sober January is a disaster.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
