Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
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