theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
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