he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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