And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
