bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
