nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Randomize
