I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
