I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
