Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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