I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
