I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Randomize
