I think i peed on brittanys purse
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Drunk is not a location!
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize
