Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I just blew my weed a kiss
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
