Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
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