My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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