So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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