i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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