No stitches, just platelets and will power
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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