I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
The air was thick with penises
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
