It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Randomize
