No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
I forgot how hot balto sounded
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
