Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
You don't make any sense
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