gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
