I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Randomize