i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
