So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
i think im in europe. pls send help
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Randomize
