the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
