just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
