if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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