$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Randomize
