I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
the raccoons are back...
Randomize