i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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