Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
