So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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