A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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