woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Randomize