Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
