Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
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