i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Randomize
