Just cropdusted the office
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
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