am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize
