Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Randomize
