I think im going to throw up on grandma
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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