Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize
