Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
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we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
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Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
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