Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Randomize
