You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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