Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
