The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize