I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
