I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
