I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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