Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
