...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
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So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
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After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
how drunk are you?
Several
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
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