After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
