I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Randomize
