No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
