Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
He felt like a one man threesome
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
