The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
