Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Randomize
