I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Randomize
