Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Randomize
